She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
