Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
