dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
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she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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