once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
