I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
