So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
