I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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