i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Its about making memories worth repressing
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
