Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
