I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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