So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
