you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize