He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
