Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish I only lived at night.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
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I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
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Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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