i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize