On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
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