so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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