I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
