he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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