The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
