You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
