It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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