There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
if only i could text you this smell
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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