I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
