I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
my poor anus
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
