never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
