so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
