You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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