I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
