he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
