i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
