A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
