Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
