Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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