Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
