Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
