Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
