You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
