just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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