she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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