Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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