I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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