Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
