i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
