just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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