im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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