the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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