You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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