I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
