I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
