Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
