What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
