Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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