Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
