belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
handjob tips. give me some.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
