we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
