Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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