Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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