sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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