btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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