she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
