Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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