you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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