Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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