Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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