halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
