"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
